CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?              
There are many things that create hurting, and secrets rank right up there.
“Don’t tell anyone.”
“Don’t talk about it.” 
“No one wants to hear about your problems.”
We sometimes confuse keeping a confidence with keeping a secret.  To me, there is a fine line there…a very fine line.   I don’t like either one, really.    
Keeping secrets keep us in shame. This has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with truth.  [Unless it’s a surprise birthday party, what’s happening that we  can't share?]   Keeping secrets keeps things hidden. And if it’s hidden, we can pretend it didn’t happen or that it didn’t matter.   Not good.
Hiding hurts; truth heals.  It’s that simple.
And news flash, Lois Lane: Ignoring it,DOESN’T MAKE IT GO AWAY. 
As children we may not understand why we are told to keep quiet, but we can sense something is wrong.  Sadly, the thing that we eventually identify as “wrong” is us.  We become what’s wrong.  That’s the definition of shame, folks.
So dysfunction in the home becomes both our normal AND our embarrassment. 
How could THAT possibly create a problem?
Indeed.  Enough with the secrets, already. 

Let it out and let it go.
“If you want to keep a secret, you must first hide it from yourself.”  ~George Orwell

 

 

 

 AWAKE OR ASLEEP

When something happens in life, we give a meaning to it. [that  experience was…good, bad, happy, sad] Truth be told, there is no inherent good, bad, right, wrong…there is only the meaning that I assigned.

 

Stop right there.  Back up the bus.  Do you see the power in that? 

All meaning comes from you. Let that sink in…I’m going to increase the power even more now by having you ask a simple question.

                  Who was I when I assigned “meaning”?

 

The person, their behavior, the situation are not the issue; they did not create the problem.  The problem arose because of who you saw yourself to be, [and the meaning you thereby chose] when the experience occurred.  We assign meaning based on our current perceived identity.

 

Think of a challenge you now face, or faced in the past.  Who are [or were] you, when you assigned meaning to the challenge?

Scared, vulnerable, weak, small, insecure, ashamed, powerful, confident, daring?

 

For even better definition, let’s put these identities into two catagories:  awake and asleep.

• The asleep identity operates from habits of the past and unconsciously reacts.

• The awake identity operates from the present moment and consciously acts.

•  

Your ego self is keeping you asleep.  Taking responsibility from your true self is how you can wake up.  Paying attention to the operating identity is key to staying awake and moving back into Divine alignment.

 

Rehearse it to receive it, Peaches.  Practice Heaven. 

 

 

FIXER-UPPER

“Nice home in country.  Lots of character.  Fixer-upper.”                               
Those ads draw me in, and I’ve seen everything from needs a coat of paint to gutted to the studs.   Quite a range of “fixing”!

I like fixer-upper people, too.

Trouble with that, is, you’re walking a tightrope there….
1. Fixer-upper implies something is broken.
2. I think I’m the Fixit Queen.
3. The more I work on fixing you, the more I avoid what’s going on with me.

Score!
Let’s take a look….
First, you’re NOT broken.  No one is.  We might be taking different paths, we might be using different modes of transportation, but to say someone is broken is getting into the judgment zone.  Nobody wins there.  Accept it, allow it, just as you want others to accept and allow you your journey. [ Just because I don’t like strawberry ice cream doesn’t mean it’s broken.]
Second, if you come from a childhood of drama and dysfunction, you may have taken the role of Mr. Fixit.  I sure did.  Then I went into healthcare, so I could fix s’more.  It’s my job to make you happy – that’s the Fixit Vision Statement.   Another no-win situation, heaped with shame because I could never really succeed at making others happy.

Third, being a Fixit is a GREAT way to distract from and avoid my own life.  I get to be responsible for everyone except myself.  Might sound overwhelming, but it keeps me out  of “me”. 

See, I’m scared to death to full-on address my situation. ​

No thank you.  Shove THAT under the rug and let’s deal with YOU.
Regardless of how it appears, everyone is doing the best they can.  You are, too.  Doesn’t mean you have to stay where you are, doesn’t mean you have to change, either.   Just make sure it’s YOUR journey.
You see fixer-upper…  I see brilliant just the way you are.

WHAT'S IN YOUR SOUP?

The soup kitchens of today are absolutely fabulous.  Feeding hungry people who are struggling  is such an act of compassion.  It really touches my heart.

Been thinking about what I’ve been feeding myself lately – not drinking enough water or getting enough veggies, that’s for sure...lotta fast food stuff, too.

But worse than that is the fast food I’ve been feeding my soul. 

I need a Soup Kitchen that makes nourishing soup.  A bowl of soul, please.  [Have you read any Chicken Soup for the Soul books?  Love them.]
Here’s the thing with soup..it’s not just the ingredients that go in it; it’s the fact that it simmers all day long.
Those negative thoughts, the fear, the resentment…they cook all day and you know what that means.  THEY INTENSIFY.

You may not like the flavor, but there it is, friend.
Or….
You could throw it out and start a new soup.  This time, be mindful of what goes in that broth.  Your job, your beliefs, friends, all your stuff, your home…what are you putting in that soup you don’t even like? 

So that’s my new question for this year:  “Do I want this in my soup?
Bon Appetit.

PROBLEM SOLVING 101

“It is difficult to acknowledge something when our survival depends on NOT acknowledging it.”

That quote is actually modified from a similar quote I read about business success.  I adaptated it because the essence of it struck me so deeply. 
To me, it sums up why we can’t solve the problem, move forward with change, let go, get unstuck, etc.

Here are my takeways:
Dysfunctional behavior is learned- how we act and react today was learned from our families and our environment.  You aren’t born dysfunctional.

Our learning often came from unhealthy people- we are a reflection of what we learned and WHO WE LEARNED IT FROM. 

Survival drives our behavior- we chose our beliefs and actions so we could cope AND SURVIVE.  Since no one else gave us the care we needed, we took the responsibility to provide it in any way we could, which was rarely positive for our development. 

The blame we assumed created our shamed self image- a child is vulnerable and incapable of understanding the dynamics of their families.  We believe what we’re told.  We blame ourselves for the misery others inflicted on us.  To think otherwise is beyond the realm of a child’s understanding.  Thus is born our shame and our distorted self image.

Our normal  comes from dysfunction  – we don’t know what healthy looks like, and if we DO encounter it, we will deny or sabotage until the status quo of dysfunction is restored.  In other words, we’re determined to get back to “normal”.

We fear changing for fear of loss of self- no matter how miserable or unhappy we feel now, it is home.  And because it is our home, it carries an odd comfort level with it. Our identity is enmeshed in this misery.  To lose the misery may mean losing our self.   

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I want you to see IT WASN’T  OK AND IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. 
We took  on the blame as kids to make it bearable, to survive.  We told ourself that taking blame meant we acted responsibly.
Reframe that unhealthy thinking.  If you want to take responsibility for something, take responsibility for your now.
I’m sorry, sorry, sorry for the pain you went through.  You can’t fix the past or make it disappear.

But oh, can you do something about your present.   

​

I know it feels like you’re alone, but you’re not.  You never were. When that outstretched hand comes your way, grab hold.  I’ve got you.  And I promise, I WON’T LET YOU GO.”        ~God